The February 10, 2001, issue of World Magazine had a section
devoted to the subject of living in a divorce culture. This caused me
to think about marriage. Without getting into the philosophic reasons
of why we have developed into this culture of divorce, I want to
address the positive of how to build up your marriage. If you are not
married, then you can take this information and ask God to prepare you
for the time you will be married.
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WHY do marriages struggle? Even Christian marriages struggle to keep
growing in a positive direction. Why? What can help us to develop
God-honoring marriages? Now there are a plethora of books written on
this subject, and I do not want to appear to make the answer seem
simplistic for there are many difficult challenges in marriage, but it
does seem to me, the older I become, that many problems in a marriage
develop when we forget a key teaching of Jesus.
This teaching is found in John 13 and relates to the
importance of being a servant.
Servanthood
is crucial for living in this world to the glory of God. Scripture
focuses on service and humility as a key attribute of Christ and His
disciples (
Philippians 2:1-11).
Servanthood
is held high for the Christian, and I would submit it is a key attitude
for the success of a marriage. When a spouse (or both spouses) loses
the focus of
servanthood,
there will be problems. If a marriage begins without the concept of
servanthood, the marriage (without
godly intervention) is more than likely to fail.
Therefore, I ask all of you who are married to take
a moment and evaluate YOUR
servanthood
(not your spouse’s). If you are not married, I encourage you to begin
now and meditate on the Biblical concept of
servanthood and its impact on
marriage.
When we speak of
servanthood
or being a servant, as it pertains to marriage, there are at least six
areas that are encompassed, and I will expand on each of these.
First,
servants give preference to
one another (
Romans 12:10).
Second,
servants bear one another’s
burdens (
Galations 6:1-3).
Third,
servants admit their sin
(
James 5:16).
Fourth,
servants forgive each other
(
Colossians 3:12-14).
Fifth,
servants encourage one another
(
Hebrews 3:13,
10:24-25).
Sixth,
servants are united
(
Ephesians 4:4-6).
Seventh,
servants love one another
(
John 13:34)
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THE first area of servanthood in marriage is
servants give
preference to one another. For marriages to grow stronger, there
is a need to see yourselves as each other’s servant. This has to go
beyond acting. It involves a change in heart where you stop thinking of
your spouse as the one who meets your needs. Instead, you must be
devoted to your spouse’s well-being. You must put them first and ask
God to help you avoid the temptation of being self-centered. This means
you no longer allow yourself to entertain thoughts about why your
spouse is not doing something nice for you. Nor do you think about what
you can do for your spouse that will get them to do something nice for
you (this is called manipulation). Rather, you look at your spouse and
think about how you can best minister to them so that they will be all
they should be for Christ. The moment you find yourself thinking about
what they aren’t doing for you, you can expect sinful thoughts to enter
(in fact, they already have).
A servant’s purpose is to care for the one he serves
with no ulterior motives. May you begin now ministering to your spouse
to the glory of God.